Looking on the Bright Side of Pandemic Holidays
It is tempting to say that this year’s holiday celebrations are not like the others. From the personal moments, like the family get togethers and celebrations with friends, to the awaited-for traditions, like the German Christmas markets, there is a smaller, quieter, calmer tone to the holidays this year.
I usually spend the last two months of the year time-zone changing, party hosting and market hopping. The holiday eating-and-drinking season starts in early November and ends with New Year’s Resolutions and sober January, and almost every night has a reason (or an excuse) to indulge with friends and family.
Now, the thought of gathering with friends and family feels like an indulgence.
While missing the past, it is easy to forget that while we say the holidays are the most wonderful time of year — they are often the most stressful.
The holidays come with an almost competitive rush of productivity. There is packing and prepping and shopping and line-waiting and trying to beat the traffic and getting stuck in the traffic. We book holiday travel plans in the summer, send invitations to holiday parties before Halloween and schedule dinners every night in order to see friends before the end of the year.
It is no surprise that while we head into the holidays full of anticipation, we are also exhausted. We look forward to this break, more than any other, as a release from the year and our daily routines.
Expectations rarely evolve into reality, and the reality is that holidays are often lived against the clock; we replace one daily routine with another that balances travel-timing, kitchen-juggling and outing-going. We relish the moments we spend with family and friends, yet many of these moments are spent thinking about the fact that the days are passing too quickly, we are not relaxing enough, we are not enjoying each other enough.
We want to maximize celebrations and time with our loved ones while we expect to switch off and relax. We want to curl up on the couch with a book or for a nap, but we do not want to miss the chance to make new memories. We (or maybe just I) become irritable, annoyed and frustrated because we cannot balance these competing desires.
We have known since the summer that these holidays would be different. There were no travel plans booked, no party invitations sent, (and then, they even canceled the Christmas markets). The shape of the season was vague and uncertain.
On Pandemic Thanksgiving, I set ambitious plans to do a turkey trot with a friend, but the next morning did not play out like we had planned, so we canceled it. My husband, who usually schedules Thanksgiving with military precision, did not even make a list. We decided what we would cook for dinner (and, more importantly, dessert) that day.
On Pandemic Thanksgiving, my parents felt confident enough to buy my 2-year-old niece a music set, complete with drums and cymbals, because the only people who would be subject to “enjoying” her musical stylings were her parents. Her parents, who do not care for Thanksgiving food, ordered Chinese.
On Pandemic Thanksgiving, not only did I get to laugh and play games with my family on a 90-minute Zoom call, but I also spent 30 minutes with aunts, uncles and cousins I have not celebrated Thanksgiving with since the last century.
I have a hard time slowing down. When I am running, even if I repeat to myself that I am out for a jog, I am inevitably chasing down whoever is in front of me. Even book reading is a competition — I win if I finish the book before I fall asleep for the evening.
This year, this pandemic holiday season, we are forced to slow down. This year, this pandemic holiday season, we need it, and we deserve it. We need to spoil ourselves a bit, to embrace the unintentional gifts that arise as a side effect of social distancing, travel bans and lockdowns, and aim to live a life less scheduled, less committed and less routine…even if only for a few days.
As for next year, I am afraid I will not be able to temper my expectations. I will expect the laughter to be louder, the hugs to last longer and the celebrations to be more joyful. To paraphrase a staple of my childhood holiday viewing, I will be banking my spirit of giving, my goodness of loving and my gladness of living in order to share it with you next year.
